why the hell does she have to keep going out to go play on that stupid videopoker thing? all she is doing is throwing her money away! i dont understand! how does she think that we are going to make it if she keeps spending all of our money?!?!?! it is OUR MONEY!!! because i dont have any money of my own or any way of getting money of my own it has to be OUR money.....not just hers. im not even sure if she would notice if i just stopped going to school or just stopped living or anything. if i failed all of my classes would she really care?? i mean i know she would punish me but would she do it because she cared or because if she didnt my dad would kill her.

i swear if i didnt have my friends i would be dead. i would have no reason to live. thats why i really dont want to move after high school. i dont trust myself without my friends there to stop me from doing thins that are stupid. i would probably stop careing about life and start cuting again, and i would cut just that much to deep and i would be gone. after i moved no one would miss me. hannah would have moved on or sese and her would have just gotten closer and that would be that. kenny wouldnt care anymore.....its not like he has ever shown that he really cared about me. jalen would go off and date some other chick that he knows that is popular and prettier then me. and i dont even think that carlos would notice i was gone.

is death really easier?? what is there after you die? i could find out right now if i really wanted to. i do have like eighteen sleeping pills right next to me.....i think that would be enough to kill someone.....
i wouldnt even mind dying like that either. there is no pain and you just go to sleep and never wake up.....